your life will change when you stop hanging with losers

it sounds harsh but it's the damn truth. do the audit.

loser.

the friends you keep are the ceiling on the life you’ll have. that’s the whole post.

loser (noun)

1: a person or thing that loses, especially consistently. the team had a reputation for being a loser year after year.

2: a person who is incompetent or unable to succeed. don’t waste your time on that loser. also: something doomed to fail or disappoint. …his position is a loser politically. — fred barnes

i remember living in florida and feeling stupid for being… smart.

put down because i didn’t want to hit the clubs. called “boring” because i bought a house in broward county at 25 and was building an app — which is now jem social. i was working on my life and being told i was the weird one for doing it.

it took me longer than it should have, but i finally had to take a hard look at the people i was allowing — and yes, allowing is the right word, because it was a choice — to hurt my feelings.

they were fucking losers. and i haven’t been around losers or befriended them in awhile.

not because they were bad people. some of them were great people. they just weren’t going anywhere. and i was letting people who weren’t going anywhere have opinions on a life that was going somewhere. that math was never going to work.

i even left the state because i desperately needed change and houston was that for me.

“your next five moves” is rewiring me

my friend jo gave me a book for my 30th birthday this year — your next five moves by patrick bet-david. shoutout to jo, i needed it. it’s been changing my brain chemistry in real time. i love when friends gift me with items that propel my growth… that’s real as fuck.

i thought i already knew this lesson. pay attention to who you surround yourself with. everyone says it. i’ve said it. but knowing it and living it are two different things, and i had to admit — lately i had not been surrounding myself with winners. i have been giving and giving and giving but, i haven’t been locking in with those consistently that help push me (or my brand), no, not really.

i didn’t realize it until i said fuck corporate america in may. now over the last few weeks i have seen how people show up in my life and noticed it’s not close to how i show up in their lives and THAT is okay.

so i started changing it. quietly. on purpose.

i got back into personal training (shoutout to mirah).

i rekindled a friendship with someone who genuinely pushes me to do uncomfortable things — and i push her right back. it’s really been a beautiful rekindle and i am grateful that not only that we were both forgiving but, were able to lock back in like it never left.

i started coworking with people who are actively trying to take their businesses to new heights, not just talk about it. people who push me and allow me to push them. people who will watch a virtual summit in the middle of the day and seek each others perspective. people who hold me accountable.

i NEED that. they NEED that.

and most importantly, i’ve been getting consistent with my relationship with God. that one is the foundation. everything else rests on top of it. even better if i am around others like that as well.

the other side of the equation

building a winning circle is only half the work. the other half is distancing yourself from people who are full of excuses.

people who don’t show up for themselves. people who blame everyone but the person in the mirror. people who never take accountability and never change. people whose priorities are so tangled that untangling them would take years you don’t have to spare.

it’s easy to be more successful when you’re around people who actually want to win. and it’s also easy to spend hundreds of dollars a week — or a month — on alcohol, hookah, weed, whatever, if you’re around people who only want to be entertained.

you can have balance. you can do both. but lately, for me, it’s been one or the other. and i’ve been picking one.

what a different week looks like

i spent this week doing something different from my usual.

i went to the greater black chamber of commerce luncheon and the pride in business celebration. and i got to sit and really talk with Janice Bond — executive director of the Chicago Public Art Fund and the owner of Art Is Bond here in Houston.

she expanded my mind so much.

not just because she taught me things i didn’t know. but because she met me with compassion when i didn’t understand something. that combination is rare. someone who is brilliant and patient with people who are still learning is one of the most underrated qualities a person can have.

i had to think about this honestly afterward. i told a friend of mine earlier this year that i don’t love the way she responds to me when i don’t understand something that’s in her world. her world is digital marketing and content creation, and i was just trying to learn — but the way she answered made me feel small for asking.

i realized that’s just how she answers in general. it’s a default. and the same way she has work to do on her delivery, i have work to do on how i communicate when something hurts my feelings — i can be sharper than i need to be in conflict.

we’re all imperfect. nobody in this story is the villain. but the encounter with janice made me realize what i had been missing in some of my closer dynamics — the warmth that makes learning feel safe. i deserve to be around more of that.

then i did yoga in the heat.

today, i went to a free yoga session in downtown houston. outside.

i have a knee injury that’s been discouraging me for a while now — there are poses i can’t do, and i tend to get in my head about it. but the instructor led the class so well, with gospel music playing in the background, that i forgot to be self-conscious.

he said something at the start that’s stayed with me.

he reminded us that practicing yoga is deeper than what it looks like from the outside. learning how to be in your body when it’s uncomfortable, learning how to breathe through a position you don’t want to be in, learning how to stay present when everything in you wants to quit — that’s the actual lesson.

that’s not yoga. that’s life. and i realize, i want to surround (and continue) to surround myself with those who are willing to be uncomfortable and make decisions that will better themselves, not just keep taking the easy way out.

what does this mean for me?

that means having the conversations that need to be had.

that means letting go of what doesn’t serve me (or my business)

that means being celibate for awhile (pussy is too distracting). in fact, i was so uncomfortable unfortunately recently this month by something that happened at a club that it led me to this decision to stop prioritizing sex and anything that leads to it. i want to be more respectful of my body and those who have access to it must deserve it.

the yoga session this morning ate me the fuck up. not just because of the bugs outside, or the poses we were doing, the message.

i sat with that for the rest of the morning and afternoon honestly. because that’s what this whole season has been about for me. the people i’m distancing myself from are the comfortable position. the boring weekends, the cheap conversations, the easy patterns. the new circle, the chamber events, the early mornings, the discipline, the relationship with God, the yoga in the heat, the celibacy — that’s the uncomfortable position.

but the uncomfortable position is where i grow, always have, i cracked the fucking formula. and the comfortable position is where i stayed stuck for years.

what i want you to take from this

audit your circle. not in a dramatic way. just quietly, honestly, by yourself, on a sunday afternoon.

who in your life is actively rooting for you to win — and showing up like it? who’s making excuses for why their own life isn’t moving? who treats your wins like an inconvenience? who treats your questions like they’re beneath them?

you don’t have to cut everyone off. you realize you can still love them, right? like you don’t have to go cold turkey. just audit. you just have to be honest about where each person belongs and how much access they get to you.

your closest five people are setting the ceiling on what your life is going to look like in three years. that’s not a metaphor. it’s mostly math.

so pick those five carefully, if you even need that many tbh. and if right now you can’t think of five people who are actively trying to win, and for real, win — that’s not a tragedy. that just means you have to be the first one. start winning, start showing up, start doing the uncomfortable thing, and the right people will recognize you on sight.

the ones trying to distract you? distance.

the ones discouraging you? distance.

the ones making snarky comments about your dreams? honestly, cut them off, haters.

the ones who get upset when you chose you or your business (priorities)? distance. possibly cut off if it becomes a constant problem.

the one who tries to influence you to do something you shouldn’t do when they know your goal? (ex: no alcohol in January but your homegirl keeps asking you to drink with her) distance.

your discipline will be tested mostly from your surroundings. remember that.

something to note: someone doesn’t have to make the same as you, live the same lifestyle as you, or know more than you (though i believe we should be able to teach one another, my opinion) but, their actions can embrace that they want to win and want you to win as well.

remember this: losers are loud. winners are quiet. you’ll know the difference once you start paying attention. the difference will compound massively.

i challenge you text or message a friend saying you love them and want them to win in ACT in that.

cheers…to upgrading the room. ❤️